Politics, Sex, Religion, and all those impolite Human Conversations...

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Location: Oaksterdam, California

Friday, August 27, 2004

How to score at the convention.

In strange way I understand the need to pass along information like Mr. Sun's sure-fire scoring guide on:
How to score at the RNC convention.

Print it out and stuff it in that leather briefcase next to your Halliburton check -- here are Mr. Sun's foolproof instructions on how to score with the ladies at the Republican convention:

• Tell her that the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge isn't the only gorgeous, white thing you'd like to see drilled immediately.

• Warn her that, "No disrespect to W. but if a pretzel makes you gag, then maybe we shouldn't go up to my room and let loose The Monster."

• "I've been a bad boy, Lynndie ..."

• Tell her your life is a real Fellatio Alger story. If she nods in ageement and excitedly replies that Atlas Shrugged is her favorite book, you're in, Chief.

• Slap on the "If this Buick Park Avenue's Rockin', Don't Come Knockin'" bumper sticker.

• Let her know you're going to rock her boat, but it won't be swift.

• Serenade her with Let The Eagle Soar. You are guaranteed to score.

• "Extremity in my extremities is no vice."

• Whisper you've got the keys to Dick Cheney's undisclosed location and he's away getting a total blood transfusion for the weekend.

• Say it's part of an effort to stop Barak Obama. Nothing you say before or after matters as long as you are against Barak Obama. (Alan Keyes only.)

• Before sex, spin it as a preemptive strike motivated by an imminent threat of not getting your freak on. After sex, point out that it turned out good, so what the hell is she whining about?

• Explain you just scored some good shit from Bob Dole, if she knows what you mean.

• Propose to marry her and state your intention to have intercourse for purposes of procreation.

I think Mr. Sun missed the one that will most used, "How much for that?"

(Via Kottke)