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Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Me and You and a Dog Named Boo...

‘Caught You Napping,’ President Tells Congress
With congress away for its customary August recess, President George W. Bush successfully avoided Senate confirmation hearings and named his dog, Barney, to the United States Supreme Court.

In a Rose Garden ceremony, Mr. Bush told reporters that Barney would replace Chief Justice William Rehnquist, making the president’s five-year-old Scottish terrier the most powerful judge in the nation.

“In the years since Barney came into our lives, he has been widely admired for his intellect, his sound judgment and his personal decency,” the president told reporters. “Basically, he is John Roberts with fur.”

The president acknowledged that Barney’s scant legal experience would most likely have meant a contentious confirmation battle in the Senate, but he had these words for the vacationing legislators: “Caught you napping!”

Sen. Minority Leader Harry Reid, vacationing in his home state of Nevada, offered a muted response to the canine’s nomination, telling reporters, “He couldn’t be that much worse than Rehnquist.”

Given the unorthodox nature of the president’s Supreme Court pick, the White House press corps bombarded Mr. Bush with questions, but the president waved them off, ordering them to “take the rest of August off.”

But Mr. Bush did say that he would take advantage of the congressional recess to push forward with a number of initiatives on his wish-list, including abolishing the Environmental Protection Agency, imprisoning Senator Edward Kennedy (D-Mass) at Guantanamo, and naming the Fox News Channel the fifty-first state.

(via Other Crap)