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Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Reaching Out During Inaugural Address

Bush To Give Inaugural Address In Aramaic
White House speech writers confirmed that President Bush will give his inaugural address in Aramaic, the ancient language spoken by Jesus. Bush’s senior advisor, Karl Rove, said that the president is doing this to unite the nation.

“We had a divisive campaign and the president wanted to show that he’s reaching out to all Americans, except the heathens, by speaking the language of our lord and savior,” Rove explained.

Bush will also use coded biblical references in his address to make it clear to his evangelical supports that he believes Jesus supports partial privatization of Social Security as well as a cap on medical malpractice suits.

“The president will set the tone for his second term by offering an olive branch to Democrats. They’ll have a choice to agree to his policies without change or rot in burning hell for eternity,” Rove said.

Heh, indubitably.

(Via BuzzFlash)