Politics, Sex, Religion, and all those impolite Human Conversations...

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Location: Oaksterdam, California

Monday, May 15, 2006

Then I whip out my big 10.5 inch

I meant to post this last week. I have a theme I want to explore. We Americans do things bigger and better than anyone else. Actually this is a strain of Texas bragging. Considering the junta who is running the country it seems fitting to tell this old french joke as a prelude to this post.

C'est l'histoire d'un Américain, un texan, qui arrive à Paris; il prend un taxi.
Le taxi passe devant l'arc de triomphe. L'Américain demande au chauffeur:
- C'est quoi ça??
- C'est notre arc de triomphe...
- Vous avez mis combien de temps pour construire ça????
- Oh... bah, ça a bien du prendre 5 ans
Le texan répond:
- Chez nous, au Texas, 3 jours...
Le chauffeur commence à se poser des questions.
Le taxi passe devant Notre-Dame; même scène:
- C'est quoi ça?
- C'est Notre-Dame, la cathédrale de Paris...
- Vous avez mis combien de temps pour construire ça????
- Oh... 40 ans, sans doute.
- Chez nous au Texas, 6 jours.'
Le chauffeur le prend décidément pour un con.
Ils passent devant la Tour Eiffel:
- C'est quoi ça?
- Oh... ça? Je sais pas... En tous cas, c'était pas là ce matin!'

Yet to be not out done....

A massive Smith & Wesson revolver.:
"The Model 500 was ostensibly designed to cater to the needs of hunters. Smith & Wesson pitched the product as 'the ultimate dangerous game defensive handgun,' able to halt most any hard-charging buck or rhino. The company's revamped marketing team, consisting of former executives from Coca-Cola and Black & Decker, made sure the Model 500 was featured on TV: The company produced a hunting-and-firearms-collecting show, Smith & Wesson USA, that aired on the the Men's Channel. They also got the revolver's name plastered on the car driven by Kerry Earnhardt in NASCAR's Busch Series and presented the racing scion with his very own Model 500 in one prerace ceremony.

But as Smith & Wesson quickly discovered, the $989 Model 500 proved as popular among affluent urban collectors as among more outdoorsy types. Many of these consumers wanted the revolver for the same reason a Manhattanite might want a Hummer—not to use it as intended, but rather to burnish their macho credentials. With a barrel that maxes out at 10.5 inches long on the special 'Performance Center Magnum Hunter Model,' the Model 500 sure is something to look at; it also features a jarring recoil that even expert shooters aren't always prepared to handle.

It is all a about a penis or some such shaped thing...

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Viagraholics Anonymous

This is a Public Service Announcement for those who have never heard about the evils of viagra abuse:
Viagra abuse is severely underreported for two main reasons. First, many men do not seek treatment for Viagra dependency because of the stigma around this problem. Second, information about Viagra dependency has been suppressed by major pharmaceutical companies who fear it may damage sales.

Well there is now a support group for you or persons close to you who may exhibit the warning signs of a viagra problem, such as:
The Viagra abuser may miss work or take "sick days" because of the effects of too much Viagra. These include the results of sexual overactivity, including exhaustion, sleep deprivation, and chafed and sore genitalia. Also, Viagra abusers may find themselves unable to leave the house in order to maintain their work schedule and other commitments because of persistent and uncontrollable erections.

Take the Viagraholics Quiz to see if you might have a dependancy that can lead to a life of utter ruin and chafing, lots of chafing....

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Bird Flu Blame Game

Hopes to ‘Hit the Ground Running’ in Blame Game

In an effort to show the American people that it is prepared for any potential outbreak of bird flu, the White House today unveiled a detailed strategy showing whom it would blame in the event of such a national disaster.

The 432-page document, released to reporters during a noontime White House briefing, was the product of months of preparation, White House spokesman Tony Snow said, and demonstrated the White House’s determination to “hit the ground running” in the blame game.

“We learned the lessons of Hurricane Katrina,” Mr. Snow said. “Disaster hit, and we were unprepared to blame others for it – but not this time.”

According to the plans drawn up by the White House, in the event of a bird flu pandemic state and local governments would be blamed first.

“Within hours of the first sign of an outbreak, we will be rushing to Fox News to get the word out that state and local governments have dropped the ball,” Mr. Snow said. “Our reaction time is going to be superb.”

Once state and local governments have been successfully blamed, Mr. Snow said, the White House will ensure that others, such as congressional Democrats and illegal immigrants, are blamed as well.

Techie Tuesday (Thursday): Measuring Tape Tape

Give an inch and they'll take a mile. Or as the Italians would say, "give them a a finger and they'll take a hand."

With this wonderful product you can limit doubts and stake out the territory up for grabs. How many things would you like to measure and stick it to it? Please, don't go there...

The Museum of Useful Things: "Measuring Tape Tape Made In USA

This yellow and black measuring tape is used in the theatre and film industry to block off sets and stages. We have found many additional uses for it and appreciate its striking graphic quality. 1/2' x 50 yards Price $8.00 each"

I expect a metric version soon from our enterprising european cousins or those more metrically minded.