Tatsteless, listless, what a hulabaloo...

Here's a list and few suggestions for people who think that communion wafers are pretty vile. This site suggests modes of improvment with the following flavorings or condiments. Click through to see the list. These are the recipe titles suggested :

-French Onion Dip
-Whipped Cream
-Cheeze-Whiz®
-Oreo Stuff
-Mustard
-Ketchup
-Peanut Butter
-Anchovy Paste
-Wasabi
-Cholula Sauce
-White Cosmopolitan

Now don't hate me, but don't you wanna' a little "BAMmmm" with your body of Christ?

Listlessness: Shit Found in the Plumbing

Bizarre stuff when you read a headline like, Roto-Rooter Lists Weirdest Items Found In Plumbing:

1. Explosive Situation
# Vicksburg, MS - On April 22, a Roto-Rooter crew excavating a residential sewer main dug up a live Civil War cannon shell. It was believed to be leftover from the 1863 siege of Vicksburg. An Army Ordnance disposal team later removed it.

2. Nine Lives
# Greensboro, NC - Bruce Shockley and crew rescued a cat from a storm sewer. "Angel" jumped from her elderly owner's arms into the sewer. She became disoriented and couldn't get out. Angel spent 24-hours underground before the crew excavated through earth and concrete to rescue her.

3. GI Joe Rescue
# Bloomington, IL - Roto-Rooter's Michael Woggon was sent to repair a toilet. Apparently a 3-year old at the residence had been training his GI Joes in deep-water rescue techniques. He sent one down the toilet and when it didn't come back he sent a few more in after it. When none of the Joes returned, the boy flushed several Matchbox cars to find them. Needless to say the GI Joes weren't exactly Navy SEAL material. Altogether, fifteen toys were recovered from the drainpipe.

4. Smuggler's Blues
# Hamilton, Ontario, Canada - Police called Roto-Rooter to recover a large stash of drugs and cash that a suspect flushed down a toilet just as the cops came in the front door. It took Plumber John Dekker only minutes to recover all of the evidence.

5. Tiny Bottles
# Sacramento, CA - Roto-Rooter's Brek Ritzema and Scott Chapman were called to a business with a backed-up sewer main. Toilets and sinks were over-flowing so the plumbers went to work on the clog. Finally, their equipment started pulling out myriad of empty miniature liquor bottles - the kind they serve on airlines. An employee was apparently in the habit of drinking on the job and flushing the evidence.

I thank god every day for plumbing because the alternative would be something a bear (or is it a Pope?) does in the woods...

Listlessness, v. 1.0

One cure for being listless is to make lists.

It's that time of year to give awards for 'best of the year' or make lists.

I''m going to start by cherrypicking my favorites from a compilation of things to be thankful for provided byM. Kane Jeeves , also known as Ed Naha:

-I’m thankful that Mike “Brownie” Brown wasn’t head of FEMA when Noah set out to collect two of each type of animal before the great Biblical flood. Had Brownie been involved, the only animals roaming the planet today would be weasels.

-I’m thankful that Bill Frist is not my veterinarian.

-I’m thankful that no Dennis Hastert sex tape has surfaced on the web.

-I’m glad that Scooter Libby’s name is “Scooter Libby.” It will make him so much more popular in prison.

-I’m glad Donald Rumsfeld never became a Boy Scout troop leader, thus leading to kids getting a merit badge in “waterboarding.”

-I’m glad crooner John Ashcroft gave up on his dream of teaming with Jerry Lewis and playing Vegas.

-I’m thankful that Congress’ new spending cuts didn’t include killing the firstborn child of every Food Stamps recipient. (Again, put on the back-burner until after the ‘06 elections.)

-I’m happy George Bush Sr. has found a surrogate son in Bill Clinton, because his own kids display the sensitivity and smarts of Morlocks.

-I’m glad Scott McClellan acts like a gerbil on a hot plate during his “press briefings.”

-I’m thankful that Tom DeLay still shellacs his hair. There’s always the chance of an errant red-hot ember making contact.

-I’m grateful Katherine Harris has stopped combing the snakes in her hair in public.

-I’m thankful that, now, whenever Karl Rove’s name is uttered, so is the phrase “CIA leak investigation.”

-I’m thankful that Pat Robertson has come down with terminal “foot-in-mouth disease.”

-I’m grateful that Jerry Falwell now issues a hellfire ‘n’ brimstone statement one day and, then, retracts it the next.

-I’m happy that Rush Limbaugh may soon have to explain his “Hillbilly Heroin” ways to a jury, after damning liberal drug addicts for so many years.

-I’m thankful that slimeballs like Jack Abramoff and Randy “Duke” Cunningham kept a lot of records while doling out to and accepting money from Republican cronies.

-I’m thankful that men like Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald still exist, ready to do the “just the facts, ma’am” Dragnet deal when dealing with a corrupt group of politicians.

-I’m thankful that a few Democrats are finally reaching around to the small of their backs and discovering that their spines are still intact.

Go read the full list, it is so much better that this sampling...

Listlessness

I finally got tired of being sick. Watched the rain out the window and read a good book. I haven't mentioned many books I've read here on the ol' blog partly due to an aversion to book reports I picked up as a kid, which's why I never became an English Major.

I like to read - always have - especially in bed on rainy days. Also it helps pass the time when sick and bedridden, until the point the book ends and I get tired of being sick. Funny, I usually get better when I'm tired of being sick and start getting listless. Is it mind over matter, or mind over microbe?

Since I gave up my satellite TV for Lent last year, I must say that watching The Tube when sick, especially daytime TV, can cause fevered dreams of mullet court justice, or "is this my baby and I'll take a lie detector test to prove it ain't" nightmares.

This is enough to cause the nearly dead to rise from their sickbeds in miraculous recovery!

However this time I was able to read Jack Whyte's latest installment of the Camulod Chronicles; my favorite \version of the Arthurian tales because I think it is historically believable.

Let me qualify that, in ninth-grade I got into an argument with favoritest teacher, Geoffrey Bullock teacher of English, over his comment that Excalibur was given to Arthur by the Lady of Lake. I had just finished reading (on my own) Le Morte d'Arthur by Sir Thomas Mallory where he claimed Excalibur was the Sword in the Stone.

To be fair, Mr Bullock was basing his position on having read The Once and Future King, however I was convinced that my source predated his, and so we argued in class. Up until a fellow teacher poked his head into the class, whence the Excalibur question was put to him. He sided with our instructor and everyone got extra homework that night.

Made me unpopular for the day and made me a History Major years latter in college. [On a side note: once I met all the foreign girls, I changed my major to International Affairs]

My impressions of all the stories I read concerning The Arthurian Legend are many of them are fanciful, mystic, full of magic, or allegorical. Few are convincing. I read quite a few* and the series by Jack Whyte paints a plausible history for a legendary figure that is full pain and suffering and hope and, well things true to life as we know it...



*Maybe if I list all the stories I've read I might cure my listlessness?

The Booklist will be turned with the Book Report, Hah! OK, maybe in the comments.

Is the war on Christmas finally over?

Can I come out of my bunker now? I mean, I resisted the Boxing Day after Christmas Rebellion by going to a movie with a beautiful girl.

Do I need to wait until Epiphany, sometime in January? Because I got the sniffles for Christmas, and not that I didn't get any meaningful presents sniffles, or I just got gift cards sniffles. But, god to honest sniffles that want to throw your back out when sneezed- just not at a movie. Besides it's so impolite to send nasal matter on the the unsuspecting heads on moviegoers -- polite I am-- plus I'm the kinda' guy who turns off their cellphone while entering the cinema.

So, I'm resorting to the dear-departed-grandma cure: Squeezed lemom, honey, Scotch, and tad bit of hot water; extra covers and the heaviest pajamas - to sweat it all out.

So, if I post anything goofy after this, you know the cause...

Simple Special FX

This just made me laugh, gut level laugh. Slowing down the video will make anyone sound like this, but this clip seems so real - georgebushdrunk.

Be Good for Goodness' Sake

President Bush revealed to stunned reporters his precendent for spying on Americans by citing the Chrismas clause, "How else can we know if you're naughty or nice?"

He went on to explain his proposal for this winter's energy relief program for the poor with an executive order authorzing two lumps of coal in every stocking..

White House Secret of Perpetual Energy

My super double-secret sources tell me that the White House has solved the problem of perpetual energy. In a stunning development which resulted from a sidebar conversation during Vice President Cheney's secret energy task force, all the graves of the Founding Fathers have been fitted with special power generating devices.

As they spin in their graves with each revelation, or claim, of unlawful presidential perogative, they collectively produce 76.5 million terajoules of energy.

Unfortunately most of this energy, which is enough to run most of the Christmas decorations in DC, is being used to power Cheney's pacemaker since his heart stopped beating in 1997.

All calls to Stark Industries, rumored to have pioneered the breakthrough pacemaker technology, have gone unanswered.

Other plans developed include cutting the heating cost at the Capitol by keeping Congress steamed and Democrats hot under the collar.

Clean jokes about philosophy are the hardest...

Can't explain it, but this made me laugh:

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like potato pancakes?" She says "No," and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

Hmmm, potato pancakes, maybe some sour cream and caviar. Did I just write that out loud?

Senator Byrd Speaking Out

From the floor of our Senate the other day, a great Senator speaks:

Government fishing expeditions with search warrants written by FBI agents is not what the Framers had in mind. Spying on ordinary unsuspecting citizens without their knowledge is not what the Framers had in mind. Handing the government unilateral authority to keep all evidence secret from a target so that it may never be challenged in a court of law is not what the Framers had in mind. Yesterday we heard reports that the military has spied on Americans simply because they exercised their right to peaceably assemble and to speak their minds. Today we hear that the military is tapping phone lines in our own country without the consent of a judge. Labeling civil disobedience and political dissent as 'domestic terrorism' is not what the Framers had in mind.

Our nation is the most powerful nation in the world because we were founded on a principle of liberty. Benjamin Franklin said that 'those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.' Our founding fathers, intent on addressing the abuses they have suffered at the hands of an over zealous government, established a system of checks and balances, ensuring that there is a separation of powers within government, so that no one body may run amok with its agenda. These checks are what safeguard freedom, and the American people are looking to us now to restore and protect that freedom.

So many have died protecting those freedoms. We owe it to those brave men and women to deliberate meaningfully, and to ultimately protect those freedoms Americans cherish so deeply. The American people deserve nothing less.(emphasis mine)

I believe our Founding Fathers hated power controlled in the hands of a few. They were not so distant from religious wars that had even stretched across the ocean to engulf some of our own countrymen in its passionate tragedies. Yet we are now seeing the erosion of seperation of Church and State along with an un-checked executive. Can the trials and tribulations of civil strife be far behind?

(via The Smirking Chimp)

Pretty much says it all

This line stuck with me from the other day while visiting the The Huffington Post:

...our President is a riddle wrapped inside a poll wrapped inside a noise machine...

Sure sums it it up.

'Tis the Season for Spying

Breaking News -- Bush Urges Americans to Spy on Each Other This Holiday Season:

In a special pre-holiday address to the American people, President George W. Bush today said that the upcoming holiday season affords all Americans a unique opportunity to spy on their neighbors, and urged his fellow citizens to do so.

“My fellow Americans, over the holidays many of you will be receiving new camcorders as gifts,” President Bush told his national television audience. “Instead of making boring home movies of your children, point the camera at the house next door and see what your neighbors are up to.”

Saying that the people next door “might be evildoers,” Mr. Bush said that by spying on one’s neighbors, “You’re going to find out who’s naughty or nice.”

Coming just days after he defended his own practice of wiretapping phone conversations without a court warrant, Mr. Bush’s exhortation to the American people to snoop on one another over the holidays was the latest indication that he intends to ramp up domestic spying in the new year.

“Invasion of privacy is the gift that keeps on giving,” the president said.

Perhaps in an attempt to preempt criticism of his domestic spying program, Mr. Bush added that he was “more than willing” to let the government spy on him.

“Go ahead, get a list of every library book I’ve taken out in the last five years,” he said. “You won’t find anything.

'Tis too true to be true...

(via Other Crap)

Got Kids?

Swiped this drink from defective yeti, NyCap:

A winter time drink for the parents of small children
* 1 oz tequila
* 1 oz Kahlua
* 1 oz 151 proof rum
* Black Coffee
* 2 tbls. NyQuil (cherry flavored)
* Whipped cream
* Coarse Sugar

Moisten rim of glass. Dip rim into coarse sugar to coat heavily. Pour tequila and coffee liquor into glass. Gently float 151 proof rum on top. Carefully ignite rum and swirl glass to lightly melt sugar with flame. Immediately pour in coffee to extinguish flames. Fill glass with whipped cream, top with 2 tbsp. of cherry-flavored NyQuil multi-symptom formula. Bolt in single swallow. The alcohol will numb you to the realizion that you will be spending the next three months confined to the house with a small child, the NyQuil will address the symptoms of whatever pestilence du jour your twerp brought home from the daycare yesterday, and the coffee and sugar will give you a burst of energy sufficient to clean exactly two of the scores of dishes that have accumulated in the sink while you've been grappling with the plague. Bottoms up!

Bra of the Season

I dont' know if this lives up to Avedon Carol's Bra of the Week standard, but here it goes: Presenting the Yarmulkebra.

Might make a pretty present for your special Jewish friend.

According to their FAQ:

What is a yarmulke?
A yarmulke is the skullcap worn by practicing Jewish men to show their reverence to God. Also known as a kipa.

What is a bra?
A bra is the breast-holding undergarment worn by women to stave off excess jigglage and saggage.

What is a Yarmulkebra?
A yarmulkebra is a bra made of two yarmulkes. No longer are yarmulkes limited to men or heads. You wanted to wear one? Now you can wear two.

Shalom aleichem!

Satan or Santa?

Watch the Ant Rant:Satan or Santa

Cleaning out this last week's drafts.

Still busy. I feel it's not quite right to post during work. I'll have to figure that one out...

Gop- Corruption Institutionalized

I know this is so last week but it bears repeating. Like what Tom Paine said here, The Bipartisan Excuse

The kind of corruption one sees within the Republican power structure, in contrast, has been institutionalized.Entire organizations have been established for no purpose other than serving as conduits for the circular flow of money and influence. Through the "K Street Project," detailed two years ago by Nicholas Confessore in the Washington Monthly, Republicans in Congress tell lobbying firms whom they can and cannot hire, and strong-arm them into becoming little more than an arm of the Republican Party. "The corporate lobbyists who once ran the show, loyal only to the parochial interests of their employer, are being replaced by party activists who are loyal first and foremost to the GOP," Confessore wrote.

Democrats have taken to describing Republican rule as a "culture of corruption." But in truth it is less a culture of corruption than an infrastructure of corruption. Corruption has been systematized. A few Democrats in years past may have become corrupt, but today's Republicans made a conscious decision almost from the moment they took power to trade access and legislative favors for campaign contributions and political support to a degree never seen before, and created a smoothly humming machine to keep the system going.

Contrary to what many people may think, you can't buy a congressman's vote on abortion or gun control. But you might be able to get him to slip in a narrowly tailored provision into a tax bill that will benefit your company. It will be buried with a few hundred other such provisions, and no reporter will ever write a story about it. Your investment of a few thousand dollars—or a few hundred thousand—can return to you a hundred or a thousand fold. Tom DeLay didn't come to Congress burning with a desire to make sure Mariana Islands sweatshops (some using virtual slave labor) could label their clothes "Made in the USA." But after a trip organized by Jack Abramoff (with some time fit in for golf and snorkeling), he was only too happy to help. (Abramoff's efforts on behalf of the Marianas are ensnaring more than one Republican lawmaker; a Montana paper reported over the weekend that Sen. Conrad Burns suddenly began opposing a bill heightening oversight of the Marianas after an official of one of the island's garment manufacturers made a $5,000 contribution to Burns' PAC.)(all emphasis mine)

Doesn't this seem like petty cash to you? The rewards are huge. But if you want to take over the world, it seems like it doesn't take a whole lot of money, not where this congress is involved...

Bay Area Bloggers

How did I forget this? Bay Area Regional (or resident) Bloggers and Readers are meeting Tomorrow. See BARBARIAN Blog: Have a Merry BARBARian Holiday for details.

Sorry 'bout that.

President "Project Manager"

This article from Foreign Policy had me rolling on the floor laughing till the mucous got seriously out of control Presidential Detail (use bugmenot.com):

George W. Bush was supposed to be the CEO president, a big-picture guy who leaves the details to others. But more than two years after the invasion of Iraq, Bush is deep into the nitty-gritty.

George W. Bush’s series of five speeches on Iraq are crucial for the reconstruction effort in that strife-ridden country. Bush must persuade the public that real progress is being made if the siren calls for withdrawal are not to hurl the mission onto the rocks. His speech last week to the Council on Foreign Relations on Iraq was unusual—and persuasive. Rather than address yet another cheering military audience, Bush chose to speak before an audience of somnolent (and skeptical) Washington elders. More remarkable, he ditched his usual bombast for detail. Of course, Bush still delivered his standard line that “we can be confident of the outcome because we know that freedom has got the power to overcome terror and tyranny.” But he also included details on the reconstruction effort that have been noticeably absent from previous speeches. Speaking of Najaf and Mosul, Bush talked electricity, water, sewage, hospitals, and roads. He even boasted that in Najaf, Americans and Iraqis “reopen[ed] a soccer stadium, complete with new lights and fresh sod.” The “CEO president” now sounds like a project manager.(emphasis mine)

Project management is something I know about - it pays big bucks!

In short, it is about delivering a project on time and on budget. This means addressing and satisfying stakeholders concerns, managing expectations, implementing risk mangement, and timely communication to all parties concerned.

President Bush as Project Manager? Maybe this is an inside joke.

In theory, the concept of modern project management got started with the building of the Pentagon in WWII (that would be under a President who was a Democrat). In our current situation with the war in Iraq, 60% of the stakeholders think it's a mistake, expectations were dashed after "Mission Accomplished," anyone who pointed out the risks were either fired or demoted, and, finally, the communication is opening up?

The only thing I can see that Bush ever succesfully managed as a project is when he stuck firecracker up the butts of frogs and exploded them...

For Profit Fundraising

Here are some antics from a former colleague and fundraiser of Tom Delay. Or as The Seattle Times says, Some fundraising firms don't help charities much:

Of the companies who passed on the smallest percentages, Virginia-based Richard Norman Co. said it was in the hole $245,000, or minus 13 percent, at the end of the fiscal year. It raised about $1.9 million through direct mail in Washington state for 11 nonprofit groups, including the Conservative Caucus and the Alliance for Marriage, the report says.

Owner Richard Norman, who raises money for political candidates and helped with Dan Quayle's brief presidential campaign in 1999 and Col. Oliver North's 1994 run for Senate, signed the paperwork sent to the state. But he disputed the state's characterization of his company as an ineffective fundraiser.
Norman says his company raises money in several states and is successful on a national level.

"All of our clients make money or they would fire us," Norman said.

One of his clients, the Media Research Center in Alexandria, Va., said Norman passed on about $1.5 million to the center in the past year.

I wrote about this firm during the USANext.org scandal back in February.

This may not mean much in the larger picture, but it helps demonstrate the instituionalization of corruption that a big fish like Delay swims in.

Official Policy -- We Be Monsters

Arthur Silber writes powerfully in this post. Here's a choice bit from Once Upon a Time...: On Torture, III: Brutality and Sadism as National Policy, and the Monsters of Our Time:

Barbarism and sadism are now the official policy of our government. And the defenders of that policy still tell the world that we, and only we, can ensure that the values of civilization are transmitted to the future. They seek to destroy the unique value of human life, and they have rendered themselves incapable of understanding the nature of the destruction upon which they have embarked.

Can there ever be forgiveness for choosing a course that is evil to this extent? History will make the final judgment. But I am entirely confident that if humanity does survive this catastrophe, as it has miraculously managed to survive other catastrophes of the past, its judgment will be simple, final and absolute: No. We do not forgive the monsters of the past -- and we should not forgive the monsters of our own time.

Blogger's Screwed Up

All my drafts that I want to turn into posts are showing the time the draft was saved. Cut and paste time -- just to keep the record straight.

Update 12/14: I think I found the problem. I recently installed Firefox 1.5 and somehow settings changed in my blogger set up. So they're off the hook for this one.

Overheard conversation I was part of...

The other day in conversation I sheepishly brought up the fact I blog.

"Why do you blog?"

"Why do fish breathe?"

"Fish don't breath."

"My point exactly."

The conversation ended there.

Impeach Bush? Have you looked at the Bullpen

Often I hear the refrain, "Impeach Bush," the worst president ever. While it's hard to disagree with that sentiment, one must look at those waiting on the bench; just waiting to step up to the plate, [God I hate sport metaphors, but somehow this one seems apt.] A couple of years ago I wrote, Stop Chasing Bush, Go After Dick, about how Cheney must go first.

Following the concept of impeachment, I even went so far as to look up the order of presidential line of succesion:

- The Vice President Richard Cheney
- Speaker of the House John Dennis Hastert
- President pro tempore of the Senate Ted Stevens*
- Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice
- Secretary of the Treasury John Snow
- Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld
- Attorney General Alberto Gonzales

Doesn't loook good, does it?

However, I never did the heavylifting on these scumbags that the The (liberal)Girl Next Door did with this insightful post called the The Conga Line Of Corruption:

The best argument against Impeachment is how far down the line of succession one must go in order to find someone better than Bush. More competent candidates can be found every step of the way, but Bush’s ineptitude may be the only thing standing between us, and a much bleaker future.

Let’s take a walk through the halls of power and see what we would have in store if by some wild chance, Impeachment did actually gain some traction.(This is a must read, read the rest, what are you wating for? Go now!)

*Scaramouche's personal favorite because he called for a duel way before Zell Miller ever did.

Busy Slacker

I have been busy in the meat world and a slacker in the e-world.

I have a bunch of draft posts that will be finished and posted over the weekend, so check back in a bit!

30 Seconds with Bunnies: "It's a Wonderful Life"

If you forgot what Christmas was like, you know, because of the War.

You can now see it in 30 seconds with bunnies.

Sums it up...

click on image to enlarge

Homecoming: Day of the Voting Dead...

Don't miss Homecoming: Masters of Horror, debuting on Showtime this Friday.

"The point is we're not giving up. And we're definitely not giving up to a bunch of crippled, stinking, maggot infested, brain-dead zombie dissidents," snarls June Cleaver who bears an uncanny resemblance to a certain long legged, blonde manimal that inhabits the right-wing talk show circuit. This opening sequence sets the tone for a destined to be a classic zombie-flick helmed by longtime horror master, Joe Dante (Small Soldiers, Gremlins, The Howling).

Scandalous voting procedures is nothing new -- like when the dead voted in Chicago, the nearly-dead voted in Miami, and now, the undead vote across the nation. Based on the award winning short story Death and Suffrage by Dale Bailey, renowned screenwriter, Sam Hamm (Batman, Monkeybone), updates this story to include all your favorite pundits and politicians in this Swiftian morality play.

This supernatural tale explores what happens when a White House operative wishes that fallen soldiers could come back and express their true feelings about the war. Sadly, it was a war sold on "horseshit and elbow grease." So, when they do, it's not pretty.

I don't want to give any more spoilers, but:

-One scene of gratuitous nipple-clamps and handcuffs;
-One scene of eye-gouging and head bashing of presidential confidant and mastermind;
-One scene of zombie taunting and torture.

I predict after this showing there will be spontaneous reenactments of Scanners throughout the right-wing blogosphere.

Encourage all your latte-swilling, Volvo-driving, Hollywood-loving freak show, librul friends to watch this.

Some other Blogs commenting on this:
Bad Attitudes
Blather.net
The Generik Brand
Blather.net
Bat Guano's BraiN
Covington
Metro Collection
JeffZed
mutans: Information Virus

Really there are too many to count. Also the Village Voice weighs in with its usual insight.

Oh, even the Freepers take a jab at film critique.

A trees-onus joyeux noel

With all the fighting and wrangling over whether it is "Holiday Tree" or "Christmas Tree," I would like to suggest, in the spirit of the season, to reach for a nonpartisan middle-ground and call it Noel Bush.

Now on sale at Urban Outfitters.