Patriotism, Puritanism and Privilege

Larry Spohn: 'Phony issues':

Thank God for the Republican Party, which isn't going to be fooled into solving any ordinary issues, like: record deficit budgets; murder and mayhem in Iraq; failed American diplomacy on every front from the Middle East to the environmental health of the planet; the threat of a nuclear Iran; the existence of a nuclear North Korea; congressional corruption; executive incompetence; an eroded minimum wage; a federal debt that is approaching double what it was six years ago; a propped up house-of-cards economy primed to crash when somebody - like our buddies in China - yanks out a bottom card of exponential debt; gasoline prices that make Jimmy Carter look like a genius; illegal wiretaps; corporate ethics; immigration; and a dysfunctional health care system imploding under the weight of runaway costs, expensive middlemen and inaccessibility to the poor and middle class.

Never mind. We got real problems, like: flag burning; same-sex marriage; a woman's right to control her own body; rampant teen sex; the death tax; life and death decisions made by families instead of the right-to-life crowd; activist judges; gun-control fanatics; the national language; and illegals - people and drugs.

Thank God Republicans control, and have for years, both the House and the Senate and have exhibited absolutely no interest in oversight, accountability or competence.

Thank God that George W. Bush and Dick Cheney have been in command at the White House these five years. We've got problems. They've got priorities. They know the difference between that hard-working, two-income family in Albuquerque's South Valley still in need of health insurance - and fourth generation Texas millionaires who need more tax cuts and repeal of the estate tax.

Thank God for Bill Frist, leader of the Senate, a true red Republican and a doctor. He knows how to treat an ailing America - at least the upper 1 percent. And he's an expert at the three Ps, not to mention a videotaped diagnosis of Terri Schiavo - never mind the family's or coroner's conclusions.

Thank God for these men and their values - like greed, prejudice, discrimination, cronyism, arrogance and incompetence. Did I mention greed? With just five months to the election, they know that all this rampant flag burning in the streets must be stopped.

And with gays petitioning to be treated like any old American heterosexual has been for 230 years, Republicans realize - with just five months to go - that the public must be warned, the alarm must be sounded, the red flag must be raised. Marriage, weakling that it is, cannot possibly withstand the withering onslaught of all those gay folks marching to the courthouse.

Thank God I can see through all this bullshit...